I’m not sure why he chose the coldest day of the year to throw on the old sandwich board, but there he was, at his old post (the SE corner of Douglas and Fort) proclaiming the message to all who walked past. He is about eighty six years old: dark complexion, steel-grey eyes to match his salt and pepper hair. His clothing is non-descript—not nice, but certainly not scraggly either. One doesn’t really get a chance to focus on the man’s clothing, anyways; eyes are distracted by the front side of the sandwich which reads: “Mourning News”.
The title of this alternative news source isn’t at all deceiving. A lonesome, God-fearing voice in this wasteland of New Age, atheism and, worst of all, science, the man bears his burden of truth stoically. He is very matter-of-fact about everything he says. He is calm, almost too calm, considering the widespread panic and horror he claims the world is heading toward. Occasionally, some smart aleck approaches and tries to make fun, but the man inside the sign looks straight ahead and continues to inform us all that we are in trouble. His efforts appear to be in vain.
Despite the size of the signs the man holds, he is invisible to most. People appear to go out of their way to avoid making any acknowledgement of the man’s presence, which is funny because the things he says are, for me at least, impossible to ignore. For example: “We are in a whole mess of trouble down here folks, don’t kid yourself. Let’s take the axe to the root”. I love the imagery here; chopping down the tree of knowledge before it has a chance to bear its evil fruit. Lovely. He continues: “God hates liars; David Suzuki has made you all insane” which brings us to the man’s arch nemesis. Suzuki ranks just below the Whore of Babylon and Beelzebub himself on the Mourning News’ list of evil-doers and liars.
In the five minutes I sat there listening to the sandwich board man, David Suzuki’s name came up about five times. I found it strange that a mild-mannered environmentalist would figure so prominently into all of hell’s hierarchies, so I went over and asked the sandwich board man what it is about Suzuki that bothers him so. He kind of chuckled at first, at my ignorance, but then he launched into the following diatribe.
“I first met Suzuki when I was finishing up on my first degree in Political Science at Amherst College in 1957. I was part of Campus Crusade for Christ back then; actually, I helped create Campus Crusade with my buddy Bill Bright a few years earlier. We were ambitious in those days, but that was before Kennedy came to power and the world started to go to Hell in a hand basket. Anyways, a lot of people assume that Suzuki went to school here in Canada. That is a total and utter lie from the devil himself. The truth is that Suzuki didn’t even move to BC until ’61. I followed him here; I would know.
As I was saying, I met him on campus. I was making the rounds with my pamphlet about the Four Spiritual Laws, and bumped into Suzuki. I started to tell him about the Lord and he told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was not interested in what I had to say and requested that I leave him and everyone else on the campus alone. I was appalled.
A few years later, when I was going to the University of Chicago, who should I see but David Suzuki—he was working on his Ph.D. in Zoology. Once again, I approached him, with pamphlets in hand. Once again, I was rebuffed. The devil has that man’s ear; always has. He whispers sweet nothings to David all the time. David has become a beacon of all that is evil in the world. The shame is that the lord knocked upon David’s door twice— I know he did— and David chose to close that door.
Even worse, David came to Canada here to spread his lies. Our tax dollars went towards the Nature of Things for all those years: the Government is in with the devil. I don’t pay taxes; I worship the Lord. I came back to warn people about David Suzuki, the devil’s spawn, and no restraining order is going to stop me from doing that. I will not sell out the truth for a sack of lies and rubbish.”
My question answered, I shook the man’s hand and continued on the street. He continued to preach to all of downtown Victoria. God hates globalization… The whore of Babylon is having a good time here in Canada…Europe is a hollow nation… it is a big universe, many dimensions…Which monkey are you? Take your banana to the lake of fire and chew on it for eternity…