A Word of Warning: Slam Dunk’s Welcome to Miami Reviewed

This review was originally published in the November issue of Beatroute Magazine.

Those prone to bouts of mania, consider yourselves forewarned: even the most passive exposure to Slam Dunk’s sophomore release, Welcome to Miami, puts you at severe risk of lapsing into a sustained, deviant craze. Your energy level will increase exponentially with every listen, provoking irrational behaviours such as air-drumming, cartwheeling and screaming in the privacy of your own kitchen, or even on the treadmill of your local recreation center.

Welcome to Miami is also extremely addictive. After a cartridge-cradled-diamond has reduced the grooves of your vinyl copy of the album to a swamp of molten wax, and even after the play-count of your requisite itunes-version of the record reaches triple digits, you will crave more. You will scour electronics shops in search of a higher gauge speaker wire, desperately attempting to increase the already formidable potency of Slam Dunk’s funky fusion of garage, punk and surf rock.

On the other hand, those suffering from Seasonal Affective disorder are in luck; the timing of this album’s release could not be more fortuitous. Let’s face it: the days are getting shorter–the nights, much longer. But as the title of Slam Dunk’s latest offering suggests, Welcome to Miami will mainline a healthy dose of Vitamin D to your cerebral cortex via bleeding eardrum. Guaranteed to lift the spirits of even the most catatonic of patients, Slam Dunk is the magic bullet doctors have been searching for for years. But please, use with caution, and under the strict supervision of a physician*.

*Welcome to Miami‘s side effects may also include (but are not limited to) sustained erection/sex drive, erectile dysfunction/lack of sex drive, insomnia, verbal diarrhea or constipation, trouble focussing, heart palpitations, increased perspiration, Shivers, dry mouth, faulty logic, somnambulism, delusions of grandeur, impulsiveness, memory loss and hair loss. Good luck!

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